new york blues

this isn't like gossip girl at all

hello my beloveds,

it has been embarrassingly long…

in the past month and a half that i’ve been away from this blog, i have been experiencing a particular kind of restlessness that comes with a.) living in ic and not having a job, and then b.) uprooting my life and moving to new york while c.) not having an apartment here yet.

and we should talk about that!

i have been in new york for 20 days now. (!!!).

and fuck, it’s been hard!

i took about two weeks at my parents house in between iowa city and nyc, and i spent the majority of those two weeks contemplating the impending fact that i would soon be launching myself head first into discomfort. and feeling sad for myself, mostly.

and of course i thought that by preemptively recognizing that the whole moving-to-new-york-relatively-alone-without-an-apartment-or-even-a-job-that-pays-well thing would be difficult, i could avoid feeling the difficulty of it in the moment. which turned out to be completely untrue!

over the past few weeks, i have not really felt like documenting this experience (which is truly unlike me) because it has mostly been a lonely and stressful one. but the fog is beginning to clear, as i knew it would, and therapist/hannah tucker voice in my head is reminding me often that this feeling is temporary and that this change is overall necessary.

because as difficult as it was to move here, when i told my coworker i had always wanted to live in new york, he asked me if it was everything i thought it would be. and ultimately, the answer is that it is— it is already everything i thought it would be. it’s living and breathing and always alive.

now that i’ve done my disclaimer for my torturous silence, i can move on to the fun part of the post: a list of my essentials to surviving your nyc move. read with great great interest and little seriousness.

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twentysomething essentials to surviving your nyc move:

essential #1: a bomb ass playlist for existential walks thru hells kitchen

the bunnies and i have been curating a joint big apple playlist for months, but while i wait for them to get the fuck out of montana, i have created my own masterpiece for existentially walking around the streets of hells kitchen.

the key to a great new city playlist (and honestly any of my playlists) is a crucial balance of 2013 tumblr nostalgia music and modern alternative rock hits.

specifically: don’t delete the kisses - wolf alice, everything is embarrassing -sky ferreira, anything could happen - ellie goulding (LOL), manhattan - kinds of leon, maps by yeahx3

essential #2: supportive and forgiving best friends

if i haven’t answered your text in over 24 hours say heyyyy!

i have always found the idea of long distance relationships/friendships difficult, and the first few weeks of living here have certainly proved to me that i need to work thru why that is. luckily, my sweet & supportive friends and boyfriend have filled my messages with plenty of encouragement/love/tarot readings/im-at-joes-and-i-miss-u-texts, which make my heart throb all the time. having amazing friends rocks!!! why do they live so far away now!!!

essential #3: a tarot deck to induce mild forms of spiritual psychosis

truly one of the only consistent routines i built in the first two weeks of me living here was starting my day by reading my tarot. which, for the record, when you start doing during a difficult transition can kind of make you feel batshit insane. but also i feel that it allowed me spend deliberate time everyday doing something that makes me feel more connected to myself, which is a fucking win!

my first nyc reading

essential #4: a slightly insane and demented glint in your eye to use on the subway

practice in the mirror daily!

essential #5: the consumption of an iced oatmilk latte while high @ 10 am

unfortunately, as anyone in my life could’ve predicted, i have been severely enabled by dispensaries and good coffee. while i probably need to consider getting that under control, if you think that a stoned iowa city iced latte is fire you have absolutely no idea what’s in store for you in bushwick baby!

essential #6: a book that reminds you of home

i’ve picked The Late Americans by Brandon Taylor as my first NYC read— ironic and purposeful, because it’s set in Iowa City. i am obsessed with how vividly he describes my beloved college town and how easy it is to trace the characters paths around the city. i still can’t figure out if the author hates women, but i’m enjoying it nonetheless.

essential #7: an apartment with a surplus of cats

collin and i have moved into a two month rental in bushwick, complete with a back garden and 8-ish half feral rescue cats whose names i do not know and therefore have made up in my head. this is likely could be directly attributed to the positive uptick in my mood since our relocation.

essential #8: the ability to believe in yourself

if there’s one thing these 3 weeks have taught me it is that i will show up for myself. the most comforting thing about my bad days was the knowledge that soon there would be good days— i knew i was capable of carrying myself this far.

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i love and miss all of you, dear readers. all of you, all of of you. until next time!